ever since i can remember my sister and i have fought about who gets to sit in the front seat of the car. more often than not, i have always gotten to sit up there. maybe it's b/c i'm stubborn and won't back down, but i refuse to give up that front seat. so now i have begun to look at the backseat vs front seat in a different light.

i like to be the center of attention. i can't help it, it's the youngest child syndrome. i love to make ppl laugh and i like being liked. i love the front seat.

my priorities change according to my moods but my friends and family are always up there on my list. i expect the same in return. maybe i expect more in return. maybe i'm selfish, ok prolly, not maybe, but aren't most ppl?

i don't hate many things. though one thing that i can't stand is 2nd place. losing is horrible and i can't stand it. i'm extremely competitive and love to feel in control of my life. i'm also fairly good at making ppl do what i want. something about me has this way of making ppl listen and through that i beame a leader in all activities i do.

one thing i don't do well is tell ppl how i feel about them. well i tell them when i feel good things like being proud, happy and loving them, but it's the times that i'm hurt that i have trouble opening up.

ok forget it...i can't finish this...too hard...ya won't understand

so like i'm all gung-ho about going back to school, which is totally crazy since i used to love summer and dreaded the thought of returning to the world of homework and school lunches. now though i'm sooo ready to leave my old life and rejoin my college world, or i thought i was.

the other day i was telling my mom when i leave to go back to morehead, down to the exact day and moment even. she got really sad. she and i have always been close, which going far away to school didn't help, but it had to be done. she complains still about me leaving, saying that she's gonna miss me sooo much. that got me thinking.

i love school, but since i live so far away it's not like i can go home all the time. once a semester if i'm a lucky usually. although my mom does make the effort to come see me whenever she has a day off of school, but it's not the same. i want both worlds...i want to be at school, but i want my mom close by so i can go see her and spend time w/ her. and moving my mom down there is outta the question since my dad loves having my far away.

but i am 19 and need to let go of my mom some i imagine, so i'll take school over staying home. but it's a hard trade, most definitely. so two words will describe when i'm feelin homesick....ROAD TRIP!!

if it wasn't for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all. i mean seriously, bad things just fall into my lap all the time. and timing...let me tell you, i couldn't have it worse.

when it comes to guys my timing and my luck are one in the same. just when i can tell things are going my way w/ a guy what happens??? he gets moved to another restaurant, so that's over before it starts. i start to get to know someone and school ends. in a moment of alcohol induced-reduced caring i told someone how i felt and what happened?? i came home from school 2 days later and kicked myself for saying anything at all.

when it comes time to finally grow up and tell someone how i feel, something comes up and the opportunity is lost. an internet convo is starting to go well and one of us suddenly gets logged off. honestly, why do i bother?