it's weird to be home. weird to realize that i'll never actually live in this house again. i'm getting along w/ the fam about the same as usual. my mom and i really haven't spent much time together, which makes me sad. i know it hurts her too b/c when i told her that might stay until thursday she got really excited. i wanna go back to school and make money and be independent and get my act together, but it's so nice being here doing nothing.

so far i've seen erin and aleta. i was supposed to go out w/ chris, but luckily things keep coming up and neither of us are able. i like chris. he's one of few that i actually still talk to, but like he's all about one pathetic little thing. he cares, i know he does, but i don't know his motives for caring. i'd like to see corey before i leave. i miss that kid. if i don't see joel, andy, kyle or any of the nick's then it's really no big deal b/c none of us have talked lately. i should get ahold of dirk before he leaves for california, but once again....it's awkward. everything's changed. actually i'm wrong. i think aleta and i are the only ones who have changed and everyone else is still in high school.

like w/ erin...we went to the beach on saturday nite, just like old times. we were catching up basically on the last year of our lives. it started out feeling normal. then i realized that she's either the same exact girl from hs or a girl that i don't think i'd ever be friends w/. she doesn't have any friends that didn't go to our hs. like at college she hasn't met anyone. i think that's sad. i feel sorry for ppl like that. so ya know maybe she'll still be in my wedding, whenever i get married, but it'll be b/c of the erin that used to be my best friend, not the erin that exists now.

when i was at aleta's house today, she and i talked about how our attitudes about life are so different from everyone else's. i think we're more carefree than other ppl. we've grown, but stayed close. we seem to understand life and opportunities so much better than other ppl. i can't imagine how my life would be had she never appeared in my third grade class at crichfield. i don't think she's appreciated at butler like she should be. hell she came to morehead and everyone fell in love w/ her. what else is new?

so i saw chad today. when i found out that he totally has made something of himself i felt proud. that's one kid who made my childhood great. i remember when we always used to say that we were gonna get married and have twins. i was the only one why saw how cute he was...until sophomore year. then everyone suddenly became aware of how gorgeous he is. he's still nearly a 10 appearance-wise. athletically he's a 9. fun-wise he's an 8. crazyness he's a 9. intellectually he was a 4. but maybe with this business of his, he's getting better. whoever he ends up marrying will be so lucky. he's a great kid. too bad he didn't continue playing basketball. he's one kid that is more a brother than anything else. as beautiful as he is, he's like my twin brother almost. that whole family is like an extension of mine. gotta love that.

well i am definitely glad i grew up in LP. it was a fantastic town with great opportunities in all walks of life. i don't wanna come back tho. i realize that i've overgrown this. and i'm ok w/ that. i hope that my children can grow up in a community like LP. ahhh aspirations....

so we've got like 3 weeks left this semester. obviously i hate classes so i'll be glad when they're over, but like i don't want school to end. yeah i'll get to go home for a few days before i come back down here for the summer, but like it's the ppl that i don't want to let go of. this happens to me every year. i get close to ppl and then summer comes or winter break or whatever and then we come back and things aren't the same. it's like starting over again and i hate that.

it's not the same if ppl come to visit. yeah it's nice, but it's not all the time. yeah i won't have a lot of time or whatever b/c i'll be working and taking classes, but still ya know? i think it all boils down to the fact that i hate change. i like the status quo. if things are going well, why change? of course i don't have the option of deciding to keep school going and not have finals, but i wouldn't mind if we had another month together.

i don't know what changes the summer will bring either. some ppl decide not to come back after a summer at home, some ppl come back but not as the same ppl. i'm sure i don't come back as the same girl.

same girl...hmmm i dunno. that's totally another day.

so i've been thinking a lot lately, if ya can't tell by the title. i'm real happy. i honestly don't remember being this happy for no reason. i mean i was real happy last spring, but i think that's because i was always having fun and doing things that i liked. going to parties and hanging w/ kate and flo.

now tho...i'm just in a seriously good mood almost all time and i have no reason to be. my life is like in place right now, except for one area which i'm sure anyone can figure out. like i really just don't get it. i don't really have anything fantastic going on, but i'm doing so well.

for instance i was walking to class on thursday and it was absolutely gorgeous outside and i just started praying to the Lord for the glorious day. i don't know if it's the weather or whatever, but i really love life right now.

i could go on for hours about this. did i mention that i totally had this epiphany over spring break about life, love, soul mates etc. i listened to the right music, i mean really listened for once and i read this good book and everything made sense.

honestly this ranks up there w/ my best semester at morehead. it seems like the less i have psycho ppl in my life the better i do here. that should tell me something ;)!!

ok enough for now...i don't wanna rain too much sunshine on your parade. just be happy that i'm good for once...these moments are rare ;)