why do i freaking care so much? i sooo need to go home this weekend i think. wait a second, did i say go home? i was just home two weeks ago. if i survived all last spring w/o going home once, then i think that i can stay here a little longer. so the going gets tough and i wanna go home. gosh i'm such a baby.

no one cares. it's all fake bull crap. too bad i gave up typing cuss words b/c that one word would have been a whole lot more effective. like you, for one, make me mad. who am i talkin to? you. you know who you are and if you think it's not you, then it's definitely you that i'm talking to. it's crap and you know it. you don't care about me. i can tell. if you did i'd be able to see it. i'm here for you 24-7, ok so maybe it's like 20-7 or 15-6 or who the hell cares, but point being that i give you to you and get crap in return. i'm done. w/ you. w/ her. w/ him. w/ them. w/ us.

get outta my life. let me start over. i don't need you. i might say i do, i don't. i might tell people how i feel about you, but it's a lie. they're all lies. everything outta your mouth. everything outta mine. so why bother? it's all gonna hurt me in the end. (weezer, in case you didn't know).

i wanna say i'm done. but that sounds so manuifactured, so played out. i wanna be done. i doubt that i can though. why should i continue on w/ this though? can you give me one reason? name one thing you've done for me or said (say) about me or to me. nah..ya can't, can you? you can let me do all the talking, while i'm assuming (hoping, praying) that you feel the same about me as i feel about you. obviously you don't. i would move mountains for you. what would you do for me? jack crap, that's what.

bogus. this is all freaking mindless drivel that pours into my brain some nights and makes me wanna throw up b/c i don't even wanna be around you. it's not a partnership, it's something entirely different. it's me taking care of you or them or whomever at the moment. i don't need taking care of, i don't. i'm good. suzie sunshine here. but i'm just saying this is my ultimatum for you. prove it to me...otherwise i strike.

i just hope to the high heavens that you read this. and that you assume that it's not about you. yet it is. it'll just prove my point though. that once again i do and do and do and yet what am i doing it for? to be liked??? obviously not.....

screw it