growing up, it's all about dreams. what do you wanna be when you grow up? i had all these dreams, aspirations. there was so much i wanted. basically i wanted prefection, it was all i knew. i wanted the fairy tale in everything. i don't think i ever once got it though and that's ok. but as much as things change, they stay ironically the same way too often.

as a little girl, i wanted to be the first woman president of the united states. that didn't last too long though, thank goodness b/c i wouldn't want that now. then i started playing volleyball in third grade b/c my sister was playing. i continued to play every year after that b/c my sister did, i thought it was the cool thing to do. then i hit sixth grade and was asked to play on an elite team. volleyball went from hitting the ball over the net to devoting six hours a week to a sport to come home and spend an hour crying to my mom. then everything clicked and i owned the volleyball court. my favorite memory thus far in my lifetime was winning the Northern lights championships in minnesota. i served the last five points of the championship game. i had never been more excited in my life. at that point, i knew that i wanted to play volleyball for the rest of my life.

not a month went by after that night that i didn't pick a volleyball at least once and do some drill to make myself better. there was so much that i thought i could do. that lasted until november of my senior year. it was at that point when i knew that my strength wouldn't hold out for me to play volleyball in college. i gave up my dream for what i thought brought me happiness. maybe at the time it did, but in the long run it brought a lot more heartache.

i had the opportunity to reclaim the volleyball fame that may. but i thought i was beyond that, that i didn't want that anymore. and i didn't, for awhile. to convince myself of that, i didn't watch nor touch a volleyball game until more than a year later and by then i thought the love of the game was a childish memory.

yet this year i revisited the world of volleyball and began to fall in love with it again. i miss it. i miss what it did for me. i miss the euphoric feelings it gave me. i miss the high that the fans, coaches, and teammates shot into me. i want all that back. maybe i'll get it.

or maybe i'll fulfill these new scholastic and social dreams. or maybe they'll change and i'll grow up and won't know what i wanna be until it hits me.