It seems like everyone is getting married these days. It's hard to take because everyone is becoming a big person and I'm not there yet. I'm still unsure of what I'm gonna be doing next year let alone 5 or 10 years.

I guess it's all hitting me hard since Natalie's wedding is in less than a month. I'm 21 years and I'm about to be in my second wedding. I hate this! Don't get me wrong, I love Natalie and Jesse to death and feel so honored that I'm in the wedding, but like Natalie isn't a big person. I don't want her to be one. What if it turns into the whole Jill thing and I never talk to Natalie again. Though, if I'm still friends with Amanda, which I'm sure I will be considering how things are lately, then I know I'll at least be able to keep in touch with Natalie because I'll have another person in the same boat. Then if Natalie has kids, that'll be so weird. She's only 21. She's like two months older than I am. She's getting married, graduating, and starting her new life. I'm still in school and will be for awhile. I'm not getting married anytime soon. After spending time with Mr. Baseball at home I started to think that maybe we were better for each other than I thought. Then something happened and I can't quite put my finger on it, but I know that I shouldn't even attempt it. It'd be leading him on again. Yeah, he's the one who I'm supposed to be with if we're still single at 25 (or is it 30), but like 25 is only a few years away and I don't want to settle. I learned what settling and ignoring warning signs did before and I don't want to make that mistake again.

I think many people keep seeing everyone getting engaged on at least engaging in long term relationships and they get jealous. They're in love with love. They start to put all these feelings onto some guy or girl because they want what everyone else has. It's so stupid and I refuse to do it. I would rather be alone forever than settle for mediocre. It's taken me a long time to realize that though.

So until then....I'll continue being in everyone's wedding and being happy for everyone....which is easier said than done, right?