so i'm officially 21! i was lucky enough to have a surprise party thrown for me. it was all very nice. i got many signs and gifts. the girls all sung to me at the meeting. very sweet.

it's hard for me to imagine that a year from now a great majority of my friends will be gone and i'll still be here finishing out my degree. i'll still have friends here at least, but it's hard to lose the ones i have now. we had this gavel pass thing the other night. it wasn't the bad gavel pass kind, but a constructive one. i sat there realizing that i've gotten to know each senior who is leaving and that i may never seen some of them again. i'm sure i'll see tyler b/c of bri and brittany, but erica? jill? aynsley? anita? i can't imagine not seeing those girls at least once a week, let alone for more than a semester. anita and jill are two that i've gotten especially close to. i just can't fathom them leaving.

this is all so crazy. i used to think that when i got outta college that i would go to california or someplace far away w/o knowing anybody and i would start over again w/ my new job and begin my adult life. i realized that i can't do that again. i came to college not knowing a soul and while it worked out better than i could ever have possibly imagined, i know that i can't do it again. i don't want to try. i love the ppl i have in my life. i don't need a new beginning.

like we've planned recently, i'll move to you know where and get an apartment w/ you know who and just teach in an elementary school there while getting my master's or doctorate you know where. then knowing me i'll prolly marry you know who and we'll move you know where and everyone will be all happy and content, right? ehhh i suppose.

ok so right now one thing that is bugging me is selfishness. ppl that think they're the only ones who have problems. everyone has problems. put yourself in someone else's shoes. no one else will care about you until you care about them. so stop being selfish b/c one of these days, there will be nothing left of you.