it's weird to be home. weird to realize that i'll never actually live in this house again. i'm getting along w/ the fam about the same as usual. my mom and i really haven't spent much time together, which makes me sad. i know it hurts her too b/c when i told her that might stay until thursday she got really excited. i wanna go back to school and make money and be independent and get my act together, but it's so nice being here doing nothing.

so far i've seen erin and aleta. i was supposed to go out w/ chris, but luckily things keep coming up and neither of us are able. i like chris. he's one of few that i actually still talk to, but like he's all about one pathetic little thing. he cares, i know he does, but i don't know his motives for caring. i'd like to see corey before i leave. i miss that kid. if i don't see joel, andy, kyle or any of the nick's then it's really no big deal b/c none of us have talked lately. i should get ahold of dirk before he leaves for california, but once again....it's awkward. everything's changed. actually i'm wrong. i think aleta and i are the only ones who have changed and everyone else is still in high school.

like w/ erin...we went to the beach on saturday nite, just like old times. we were catching up basically on the last year of our lives. it started out feeling normal. then i realized that she's either the same exact girl from hs or a girl that i don't think i'd ever be friends w/. she doesn't have any friends that didn't go to our hs. like at college she hasn't met anyone. i think that's sad. i feel sorry for ppl like that. so ya know maybe she'll still be in my wedding, whenever i get married, but it'll be b/c of the erin that used to be my best friend, not the erin that exists now.

when i was at aleta's house today, she and i talked about how our attitudes about life are so different from everyone else's. i think we're more carefree than other ppl. we've grown, but stayed close. we seem to understand life and opportunities so much better than other ppl. i can't imagine how my life would be had she never appeared in my third grade class at crichfield. i don't think she's appreciated at butler like she should be. hell she came to morehead and everyone fell in love w/ her. what else is new?

so i saw chad today. when i found out that he totally has made something of himself i felt proud. that's one kid who made my childhood great. i remember when we always used to say that we were gonna get married and have twins. i was the only one why saw how cute he was...until sophomore year. then everyone suddenly became aware of how gorgeous he is. he's still nearly a 10 appearance-wise. athletically he's a 9. fun-wise he's an 8. crazyness he's a 9. intellectually he was a 4. but maybe with this business of his, he's getting better. whoever he ends up marrying will be so lucky. he's a great kid. too bad he didn't continue playing basketball. he's one kid that is more a brother than anything else. as beautiful as he is, he's like my twin brother almost. that whole family is like an extension of mine. gotta love that.

well i am definitely glad i grew up in LP. it was a fantastic town with great opportunities in all walks of life. i don't wanna come back tho. i realize that i've overgrown this. and i'm ok w/ that. i hope that my children can grow up in a community like LP. ahhh aspirations....