i'm like a snowflake. w/o the snow. i blow from place to place letting the wind take me wherever. letting ppl make decisions for me and tell me what to do. blah blah blah.

shoot i know what i want. i just don't like hurting ppl's feelings and telling them what i want b/c it might conflict w/ what other ppl want. and i don't like to make waves. i just like to go thru life being easy. letting things happen, not causing too much trouble.

so what i want right now, is not even close to what i want for next year or in 2 years. a lot of ppl keep telling me what i should want or what they assume that i want. they're wrong. but they're making me skeptical. they make me wonder. they make me confused. they make me think. and i don't like that so much. i like to go thru my life doing things my way, the easy way. but ppl keep making things more difficult.

here's the thing though, i'm not blaming anyone. not at all. it's me being a flake who sways so easily, yet tries to portray the strong, never wavering image. look deep, that's not me, not even close. i let ppl tell me how i should feel until it all builds up and then i'm letting it all out and hurting ppl along the way. myself included.

so here i am. i'm listening to what other ppl say and trying to tell myself that maybe i'm not right, that possibly everyone else is. ya know that makes a lot of sense. my gut instinct isn't right, my heart isn't right. every person who i've ever met and who thinks they can give me advice is right. they know more than me of course. gosh i'm sarcastic. they're not right. it's my fault. i'm the one who lets them alter or misshape what i think or feel. it's too hard to not let it happen though. i can't just change over night. i don't even know if i want to. this all creates drama and sometimes it's fun to have a lil dramatic interpose. okay, no it's not. i want life to be simple and yeah no one else makes it an easier for me, but that's not anyone else's job. it's mine and i need to start taking a stand i guess. that would be nice one of these days. i highly doubt it's gonna happen anytime soon. ahhhh oh well. i'm young, i've got all the time in the world.